Imaginary Landscape, LLC

I was recently searching for a new dehumidifier since our old one stopped working. I finally settled on one from a local appliance store, Abt.

For those unaware, Abt has been a Chicagoland staple for many years. People will travel distances in order to shop there. I have bought many appliances there over the years. I like the store.

I'I find my dehumidifier on their Web site. Delivery is free, which was unexpected and nice - no need to go to the store. And so I go about ordering.

I'm not a big fan of registering on sites, unless there is a clear value for me to do so. I have so many user names and passwords to track and I try not to add to that list. As a result, when I make online purchases from a vendor infrequently - like Abt - I prefer to do so without registering.

Abt, it turns out, doesn't allow that.

After I select a dehumidifier for purchase I am presented with a login screen that contains the following option:

I admit I didn't actually read the second sentence, only the first. But, as I reread it now, the wording is confusing. However, my scanning eyes skipped it and away I went through the purchase funnel.

Eventually I reach the money page:


Entering the credit card information is easy enough and as expected. The problems begin with the Billing Information. I checked the box to use my previously entered Shipping Address as my Bill To Address, but why isn't it showing? Is "Bill To Address" the same as "Billing Information"? Are these fields actually required if I checked the box?

Moving down the screen, it asks for and requires "Phone Number" and provides some helpful microtext to explain what the number is, but not why it is needed. It then asks for Daytime Number and explains that both numbers will help them process the order and may be needed for delivery.

I certainly want my order to be processed. How will a Daytime Number help with that? What if the numbers are the same, will that hinder the processing of my order? How might it be needed for delivery? Should I give my cell phone here?

The form requires me to add an email address. Why? Is it for shipping notifications? What if I don't want to be notified? They don't require an email address when I go to into the store.

The form then requires a Password. When you click on the Help icon it offers friendly advice like,

If you are a new customer, create a password here so you can:

• Checkout faster on future visits
• View your order history
• Track your order through our website

But I don't order enough for the first two to matter and I trust that my purchase will arrive just fine without me stalking it.

The help text is trying to convince me to make a decision that the company has already made for me. I try to proceed without adding a password, but it fails. It would seem I must register or abandon my cart.

I don't want to abandon my cart, but now I'm wondering what it means to "checkout faster on future visits." Does that mean they are keeping my credit card information on file? Certainly it means they are tracking me and my information in a way that I neither need nor want. And there is no online ability to un-register.

All I wanted to do is buy a dehumidifier. I shouldn't need to drive to the store to do so anonymously.

I sent the following email to Abt customer service:

Date: Sun, Mar 14, 2010 at 1:09 PM
Subject: Comment about the online purchase experience
To: customerservice@abt.com

Dear Abt,

I would like to call your attention to an aspect of the online
purchase that was problematic for me. Specifically, I think requiring
a customer to create an account is inappropriate and probably causes
customers to bleed away at the point of purchase.

The checkout process begins with the following:

"You don't need to have an account to check out - just click "Continue
Checkout." An account will be created once your order is complete."

But what if I don't want to create an account? I think you should
allow me that option. For me, it's another account and another
password I must track. It is personal information that you now retain
indefinitely. All this for your marketing benefit, not mine.

All I want to do is purchase an item from you. As an organization
that prides itself on customer service, you should rethink this
requirement.

Brian Moloney

To which I immediately received the following robo-response:

From: customerservice@abt.com
Date: Sun, Mar 14, 2010 at 1:10 PM
Subject: Auto: Comment about the online purchase experience

Thanks for contacting the Abt online customer service department.

Your email message is important to us and is currently being processed.

You should receive a personal response within 24 hours.

48 hours and counting. No response.

Last fall, I wrote an article for Forum magazine, published by the Association Forum of Chicagoland. Since that time we've been chugging through a couple direct mail campaign to local associations to extend that exposure.

One of the campaigns was a series of illustrated greeting cards with a humorous tone. The most recent features an illustration of someone shouting from the top of a building:

"Okay, Web team ... your 4-minute lunch break is over. Now back to your cubes! And no stopping at the bathroom, Bernie!"

Lo and behold, I just received a call from someone named Bernie who works at a local association.

"Yeah, so I've been getting a bunch of people bringing this card into my office and giving me strange looks."

Apparently, several of his co-workers who received the mailing thought it funny that I would call him out personally for his bathroom habits.

"So, is this some kind of personalization?"

After we both had a laugh, I assured him that it wasn't targeted specifically to him and that the name Bernie was coincidental.

Not exactly the type of call-in I'd hoped for from the mailing, but it gave me a good afternoon laugh.

Bernie too.

A couple months ago, I wrote about the current state of the America's Cup yacht race. Since that time, the process has been moving forward, closer and closer to an actual racing event. That event is now upon us.

Most of the past couple months - really most of the past couple years - have been immersed in legal battle after legal battle. Rich folk with too much time and money on their hands. For anyone paying attention, the process has damaged this once unique sporting event.

After numerous legal battles, the starting gun will fire at approximately 3:00am Central time on Monday, maybe. I say maybe because the starting date, starting time and starting weather conditions have all been subject to legal proceedings. It is a best-of-three-race regatta.

So, what networks are covering the race? What should you point your TiVo to? Nothing. As of today, there is no broadcast partner in the US.

The race will be streamed live on americascup.com. In addition, it will appear on espn360.com. I'm not familiar with ESPN360, but it appears to be some online hub for the online broadcast of obscure sporting events. It's free to use if your cable provider is on their list. I use Comcast, and it is on their blessed list, but there were instructions about using my Comcast login and I lost interest in further pursuit.

On the quality of coverage, cupinfo com offers the following:

Given the two to three race nature of the match, and current economic conditions, it is hard to speculate on the degree of investment that a broadcaster might make to provide coverage, or how the scope of the production might compare to previous America's Cup regattas.

So, even if you are able to view it, the coverage will suck. Great.

The whole thing is so unfortunate. Pathetic, really. This pissy legal tug-of-war is the very worst of the sport. It fulfills everyone's caricature of the super-wealthy, ascot-wearing, litigious yacht club folks. (Although my dark humor side got a chuckle out of the legal proceedings surrounding the use of friction-reducing fluids and whether they can be released into the water to help increase speed).

I think the America's Cup should be retired, the Deed of Gift put in a museum. (This is the original 19th century governing document of the race, quaint by today's standards and drafted in a more gentlemanly time). Instead, there should emerge a new regatta to take its place. One where the rules are modern, one that includes more than two boats at a time (because match races are boring to watch). One that is accessible to less affluent participants.

In short, pretty much any regatta held at pretty much any harbor or yacht club around the world. Really, anything is better than the current America's Cup, sometimes described as the "pinnacle" of the sport.

More the abyss, I think.

Recently I read that the current group of astronauts occupying the the International Space Station is direct Tweeting. Specifically Colonel T.J. Creamer is floating around up there and Tweeting when he can.

This morning as the Moloney family went through our get-ready-for-school/work routine, I was checking my Twitter feed. My 6 year old was over my shoulder and saw a Tweet from Colonel Creamer. Drawn by the NASA logo he asked, "What's that?"

I explained that Colonel Creamer was up in space inside the International Space Station. Because NOVA is an "allowed" television program at our house, Ian knows about the ISS.

"He's up there right now?"

"Yes."

"That's cool."

"Yes it is. Would you like to ask him a question?"

"Really?"

"Sure, why not?"

After a couple false starts, Ian said, "Ask if space is like riding a roller coaster."

Brian_Moloney @Astro_TJ My 6 year old Ian thinks it's "cool" that you Tweet from space. Wondered if zero gravity feels like going down a roller coaster.

Then it was time for school. I cautioned Ian that Colonel Creamer has thousands of followers and probably wouldn't have the time to reply.

But, then I returned home from drop off to this:

Astro_TJ @Brian_Moloney Say hi to Ian for me & if the roller coaster is going down fast enough, then yes, a little bit like that.

How cool is that? I want to print it out, run back to his school and hand it to him right now! But, it will have to wait until this afternoon.

Technology rocks (You too, TJ)!

An item of very little interest outside of my home town is the upcoming vote on whether to spend $174 million to renovate the local high school. I’m a proud alumnus of New Trier Township High School, class of 1983. As such I have fond memories of the place. And now that I am fortunate enough to once again live in the district, I am excited at the prospect of sharing an alma mater with my children.

I confess to paying little attention to the matter so far. However as the election season heats up, I’m beginning to get robo-calls about renovation of the school. The pro-renovation crowd is vocal and tends towards the dramatic - if you’re not in favor of this you are against educating our children, against apple pie and the like. Besides, they say, it will only add $250 or so to your $10,000 tax bill.

My mom remembers when the district built the West campus in 1965 in response to high enrollment rates. Then, she reminisces, a vote against West was a vote against educating our children and apple pie. Same then. Same now.

Of course West closed in 1981, just 16 years after it opened. I wonder if someone involved in the process back then ever said, “Hey you know, judging by district birthrates, this campus will be obsolete in 16 years.” If so, I wonder if they ever found the body. But I digress.

And so I am receiving input about this issue – from phone calls, letters and yard signs. But I don’t have a real feel for the issue. I would like a place to go for an evenhanded accounting of both sides. So I turn to the Pioneer Press.

[begin Pioneer Press rant]

It’s hard for me to say this – I wrote for the Pioneer Press for many years – but it disappoints in this regard. The New Trier referendum is shaping up to be a pretty major vote (you know, educating our children, apple pie). Don’t you think the Pioneer Press would offer a guide or an easily accessible index of articles? Nothing of the kind.

On the Wilmette Life homepage today, I get this:

Top Story – Wilmette Resident Recounts Quake Horror. Granted, this is a good story, a local angle on the Haiti disaster. Then I look at the News column.

Facility looks to raise funds with casino night
Mount St. Joseph, a 132-bed intermediate care facility in Lake Zurich, is holding a casino night Feb. 20 at Millrose Restaurant Banquets & Country Store in South Barrington to try to garner funds for building renovations.

Scanning the other small-print headlines:

• Kildeer officer receives laurels from the FBI
• Two charged in thefts of gutters in Wilmette
• Wilmette resident recounts quake's horror
• St. Francis marks school milestone
• Big ticket items included in new spending plan
• O'Neil's Sunnyside-Up Kobe Burger sizzles
• Guest Essay: Presidents weigh in on New Trier
• Endorsements: Keats for county president
• Endorsements: Preckwinkle for president

Community Updates

• Haiti Build-A-Thon at French Institute
• Sacred Heart families enjoy movie night

The only item related to the renovation is a Guest Essay, a full-page pro-renovation advertisement masked as news. Very disappointing.

[end_rant]

Back to the issue at hand, I lean slightly in favor of the vote. Mostly because I have young children and they will be the beneficiaries of the new facilities. I asked my wife, who leans slightly towards opposing the referendum.

“I went to high school in Connecticut at a school that didn’t have 1/20th of the resources or facilities of New Trier and I received an excellent education. New Trier will remain an excellent place to receive an education, whether or not the basketball court is replaced.”

Of course there is more to the renovation than a new basketball court, but the gist remains. Pro renovators want the quality of education tethered to the container.

In a feeble attempt to take the opposing argument, I say, “But it will only cost around $250 for each $10,000 tax bill.”

She looks at me like my head just morphed into a donkey’s. Even as I said it, I felt ass-ish.

“So that’s your argument? We pay high property taxes so what’s a couple hundred dollars more?”

Well, if you put it like that…

Now I’m leaning slightly against the referendum, but still uninformed. I don’t fully trust the partisan arguments of the entrenched. I’m also not interested in spending a lot of time hunting down the issue.

Here's an idea: How about we tear down East and subdivide it into residential housing – some of the most expensive residential housing in the country. Then take all that money and pour it into West to make it the single district high school location. Because it’s about the education and not nostalgia, right? (btw, I have no idea whether this is a feasible idea nor do I know if it was considered).

Regardless of the vote, I will remain a committed fan and forever shout “Go Indians!” (because I still don’t know what the hell a Trevian is).

Fresh start to a new year and a fresh rant.

I had lunch recently at a quirky pizza place called Barnaby's in Northbrook. It's quirky because it is a sit-down restaurant that requires two separate transactions in order to eat.

First you have to go up to the food counter and give your order and pay. Second, you have to go up to the bar to order beverages and pay there as well. Sometimes there is a wait at both. When your order is ready, your number is announced over the PA and you go fetch your food.

My rant relates to paying by credit card. When your credit card is processed, they hand you the receipt for signature like every place. However, this particular receipt was only subtotaled with an expectant tip and total line left blank. This tip line was unexpected and nearly went unnoticed.

Look, I'm all for tipping wait staff for, you know, waiting on me. But in the case of Barnaby's I walked up to order twice, paid twice and walked up to gather and deliver my own meal twice. I'm pretty sure I earned the tip.

The real problem with the tip line is that it requires an awkward action to not tip. You can't leave the receipt with a blank tip and total line - not unless you want to fund a night out for the cook staff. So standing there at the register, in front of the cashier and with people in line behind me, I have to make a quick decision. That decision is to put a big zero in the tip line and copy the subtotal to the total line.

And for some reason it feels somewhat - I don't know, cheap? - to put zero in the tip line. I'm so used to tipping that it makes me think I'm being a jerk for not. Granted it is only a momentary and passing thought, but I resent it all the same. Perhaps the establishment counts on those less jerky than me to turn that awkward moment into some fast cash.

I've seen this phenomenon and a few self-serve and carry-out places and I find it inappropriate. A quick search for "carry out tip" on Google produced a maelstrom of passionate opinions. Some say absolutely not, some say absolutely. Some say 5%-10%, some say it's depends on the restaurant. There is no consensus.

My suggestion is to remove the tip line from the receipt and put a tip jar next to the register. Then if I want to, I can drop some cash in without awkwardness.

Do you hear me, Barnaby's?

It's the bottom of the 9th for online shopping. Even though we've been buying stuff for the past three weeks, it's still crunch time.

One of the items on our list was a silly kids music CD. We had borrowed it from the library and the kids listened to it...over and over and over again. I was thrilled when it was time to return it. However, they really wanted one of their very own for Christmas. Alas, the sacrifices of parenthood.

And so, we are the proud owners of The Hobo Nickels: Cooper County, purchased from CD Baby. Upon purchase, CD Baby sent the following confirmation email:

From: CD Baby Loves You <orders@cdbaby.com>
Subject: Your CD Baby Order!

Thanks for your order with CD Baby!

The Hobo Nickels: Cooper County

Your CDs have been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow. A team of 50 employees inspected your CDs and polished them to make sure they were in the best possible condition before mailing. Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over the crowd as he put your CDs into the finest gold-lined box that money can buy.

We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of Portland waved "Bon Voyage!" to your package, on its way to you, in our private CD Baby jet on this day, December 16, 2009.

We hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. In commemoration, we have placed your picture on our wall as "Customer of the Year." We're all exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Sigh...We miss you already. We'll be right here at http://cdbaby.com/, patiently awaiting your return.

--CD Baby, The little store with the best new independent music.

It's fun and silly and made me laugh. So often, email confirmation messages are formulaic and uninspired. This confirmation email is a great example of using this "free customer touch" as an opportunity to reinforce brand and voice.